Sunday, November 23, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Shayaris, Quote (23.11.14)

 


CHAK DE

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 Please take note that mopping n cleaning ur own house at ur wifes directives,
 will not be counted as contributing to "Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan"!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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เคถाเคฆी เคฎे เคฌเคนू เค•्เคฏा เคฒेเค•เคฐ เค†เคˆ เคฏे เคคो เคธเคฌ เคชूเค›เคคे เคนै-----

------เคชเคฐ เค•เคญी เคฏे เคธोเคšा เคตो เค•्เคฏा-เค•्เคฏा เค›ोเคก़ เค•เคฐ เค†เคˆ เคนै-----!!

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New style dhamki by Biwi ~

Tum jitna time Whatsapp n facebook ko doge,

main utna time jabong, flipkart, Amazon ko dungi. ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‚

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เคฏे เคชेเคก़ เคฏे เคชเคค्เคคे เคฏे เคถाเค–ें เคญी เคชเคฐेเคถाเคจ เคนो เคœाเคं..

เค…เค—เคฐ เคชเคฐिंเคฆे เคญी เคนिเคจ्เคฆू เค”เคฐ เคฎुเคธ्เคฒเคฎाเคจ เคนो เคœाเคं

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เคธ्เค•ूเคฒ เค•ा เคตो เคฌैเค— เคซिเคฐ เคธे เคฅเคฎा เคฆे เคฎाँ।।

เคฏเคน เคœिंเคฆเค—ी เค•ा เคฌोเค เค‰เค ाเคจा เคฎुเคถ्เค•िเคฒ เคนै . ๐Ÿ’

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What is the english movie name for Karvachauth?

'Fast and Furious'... One day Fast, 364 days Furious 

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Two Minutes Silence For All Girls keeping Karva Chauth For Their Boyfriend,

Who Won't Marry Them In Future :') 

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Sunny Leone Keeps Karwa Chauth Fast For,

"To Whomsoever It May Concern"...!!!

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"เคจ เคฐुเค•ी เคตเค•़्เคค เค•ी เค—เคฐ्เคฆिเคถ เค”เคฐ เคจ เคœ़เคฎाเคจा เคฌเคฆเคฒा,
.

เคชेเคก़ เคธुเค–ा เคคो เคชเคฐीเคจ्เคฆो เคจे เค िเค•ाเคจा เคฌเคฆเคฒा ।।।"

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Ek sawal mujhe baar baar pareshani me Daal raha he... 
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Choti "abcd" badi "ABCD" se kitne Saal choti hai...??? 

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
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[Hindi Jokes] I Mahesh Popat a responsible citizen of India (23.11.14)

 


CHAK DE

I Mahesh Popat a responsible citizen of India commit that i will not throw /spit any garbage/ waste on road, street but throw only in dustbin or location provided for same.

I shall also spread this message among all my nearer n dearer ones.
I request to join clean India beginning with ourselves...๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ

  jay hind...
-- 

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
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[Hindi Jokes] Time for some Mumbai tips: (23.11.14)

 


CHAK DE

Time for some Mumbai tips: 

1. If you are a real Mumbaikar and away from Mumbai, you get sentimental even if you hear words like Andheri and Bandra.

2. Mumbai - the only city where people no matter what language, religion and caste, express frustration by saying 'chyayla'.

3. The only place where even bus conductor motivates us "chalo aage badho"

4. For Mumbaikars - Burger bole toh bakwaas, vada pav bole toh zakhaas.

5. Mumbaikars - we will stand in empty trains and will fight for seat in crowded ones. 

6. We don't believe that the train is gonna arrive until the time indicator displays "01 mins remaining" 

7. Yes act dead if someone ask for your seat in "Mumbai local"

8. Mumbai - A city where people come to make their career and end up making their life. 

9. A city with blend of different people and three things, 'pudhil station', 'agla station', and 'next station'

10. Slow local trains - the one which halts at all stations 

Fast trains - the one which halts in between the stations.

11. Everything is fair in love, war and local trains.

12. You never say angry. You say "dimaag ki maa behen ek ho gayi he"

13. Mumbaikar to auto wala - sakinaka chaloge? Auto wala - nahi. Mumbaikar - saale dubai chalega? 

14. Some words we use often - ghanta, waat lagayi, aai shapath, item, pandu, faadu, iski maa ka, bhai party, bantai, kat le, jhol, le bhari, ek number bhai.

15. Local trains are the only place in Mumbai where men are more civilized than women.

16. In India we drive on the left of the road. In Mumbai we drive on what is left on the road.

17. That awesome moment when in local trains you dont have to move towards the exit, you are simply pushed towards it by the crowd

18. In Mumbai matter word has more social reference than scientific (matter ho gaya bhai)

19. While giving directions you say right/left maaro aur aahan pe ek bridge Girega

20. If Borivali passenger gets into a Virar fast train. Thats a serious crime boss. 

21. Once you survive in a Mumbai local during journey from Virar to Churchgate or vice versa during peak hours. Boss you can survive anywhere in the world. 

22. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.

23. In every local train journey you will find atleast one person asking " arey yeh platform kis taraf aayegi?"

24. No salsa, hiphop, moon walk, B'boying or jazz can beat our visarjan dance. 

25. No starbucks flavored coffee can beat of our own cutting chai/ coffee.

26. Nobody remains "untouched" once you enter Virar / Churchgate fast local. 

27. There is a invisible station between Borivali and Kandivali called as "Thambevali" 

28. We dont understand "humko and tumko". We prefer "tereko and mereko" 

29. Second clasd ticket Rs 9 and first class ticket Rs 104. No difference. You can't sit in either. 

30. Getting a virar fast train from Andheri / Borivali during peak hours is more difficult than getting into IIT and IIM.

__._,_.___

Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
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[Hindi Jokes] Shayaris, Jokes, Quote (23.11.14)

 


CHAK DE

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In 298 days and 450 crores we reached Mars ....and bloody hell it took 3000 crores ......
and more than 7 years to reach from Ghatkopar to Versova -- Metro Rail .๐Ÿ˜

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เคฒौเคŸ เค†เคคा เคนूँ เคตाเคชเคธ เค˜เคฐ เค•ी เคคเคฐเคซ... เคนเคฐ เคฐोเฅ› เคฅเค•ा-เคนाเคฐा, 

เค†เคœ เคคเค• เคธเคฎเค เคจเคนीं เค†เคฏा เค•ी เคœीเคจे เค•े เคฒिเค เค•ाเคฎ เค•เคฐเคคा เคนूँ 

เคฏा เค•ाเคฎ เค•เคฐเคจे เค•े เคฒिเค เคœीเคคा เคนूँ।

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เคฌเคšเคชเคจ เคฎें เคธเคฌเคธे เค…เคงिเค• เคฌाเคฐ เคชूเค›ा เค—เคฏा เคธเคตाเคฒ -

"เคฌเค™े เคนो เค•เคฐ เค•्เคฏा เคฌเคจเคจा เคนै ?"

เคœเคตाเคฌ เค…เคฌ เคฎिเคฒा เคนै, - "เคซिเคฐ เคธे เคฌเคš्เคšा เคฌเคจเคจा เคนै.

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เคชเคช्เคชू---เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เคฎुเคे เคจींเคฆ เคจเคนीं เค† เคฐเคนी,

เคฎुเคे เค•ोเคˆ เค•เคนाเคจी เคธुเคจाเค“।
.
เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी---เคฅोเฅœी เคฆेเคฐ เค เคนเคฐ เคœा, เคคुเคฎ्เคนाเคฐे เคกैเคกी เค†เคคे เคนी เคนोंเค—े।
.
เคŸाเค‡เคฎ เคชเคฐ เค˜เคฐ เคจ เค†เคจे เค•ी เค•เคนाเคจी เคตो เคœो เคฎुเคे เคธुเคจाเคंเค—े ...เคคू เคญी เคธुเคจ เคฒेเคจा

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Low Battery (Caller of the year)

A Young man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as "LOW BATTERY"..:| 

Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger..๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰

The guy was later nominated for Nobel prize for Innovation and Peace..๐Ÿ˜œ

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เคœो เฅžเค•िเคฐी เคฎिเคœाเคœ เคฐเค–เคคे เคนे เคตो เค ोเค•เคฐो เคฎे เคญी เคคाเคœ เคฐเค–เคคे เคนैं..,

เคœिเคจ เค•ो เค•เคฒ เค•ी เฅžिเค•เคฐ เคจเคนीं,

เคตो เคฎुเค ्เค ी เคฎें เคญी เค†เคœ เคฐเค–เคคे เคนैं ॥

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เคฎैเคจे เคธเคนा เคนै เค—เคฒे เคฎिเคฒเค•เคฐ เคฌिเค›เค™เคจे เค•ा เค—เคฎ,

เค เคฎेเคฐे เค–ुเคฆा เค•िเคธी เค•ो เคเคธा เค—เคฎ เคจा เคฆेเคจा

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"เค•เคฐเคคे เคนै เคฎोเคฒ เคญाเคต เคญเค—เคตाเคจ
เค•ी เคฎूเคฐ्เคคि เค–เคฐीเคฆเคคे เคตเฅ˜्เคค ,

เค”เคฐ เคซिเคฐ เค‰เคธी เคฎूเคฐ्เคคि เคธे เค˜เคฐ เคฎें
เค•เคฐोเคกो เคฎांเค—เคคे เคนै.."

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Today morning my wife participated in swachcha bharat abhiyaan 

and cleaned my wallet๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜€

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เค•เคฒ เคซिเคฐ เคฆेเค–ा เคœเคฒเคคे เคนुเค เคฐाเคตเคฃ เค•ो..

เคชूเค› เคฐเคนा เคฅा เคญीเฅœ เคธे "เคคुเคฎ เคฎें เคธे เคฐाเคฎ เคนै เค•ोเคˆ ?"

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เค‰เคจเค•ा เค•ंเคงा เค–ुเคฆा เคจे เคจ เคœाเคจे เค•िเคคเคจा เคฎเฅ›เคฌूเคค เคฌเคจाเคฏा เคนै,

เคนเคฎाเคฐी เค–्เคตाเคนिเคถों เค•ो เค‰เค ाเคคे เคนुเค 

เคฎाँ เคฌाเคช เคจे เค•เคญी เค‰เฅž เคคเค• เคจเคนीं เค•िเคฏा..

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
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[Hindi Jokes] A real story... (23.11.14)

 


CHAK DE

A real story...

A conversation between a passenger and Software Engineer in Shatabdi Train. If you read it till the end, you will not only thank me and the person who shared this with me, but you will see life in a whole different way!

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man.. Even the plush comfort of the Air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and was still not entitled to Air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!!
He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.
'Are you from the software industry sir,' the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.
'You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized. '

'Thanks,' smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a sportsman... .. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

'You people always amaze me,' the man continued, 'You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside.'

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger. 'It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.'

For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Life cycle but restrained himself to a single statement. 'It is complex, very complex.'

'It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,' came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone.

'Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office, does not mean our brows do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing.'

He could see, he had the man where he wanted, and it was time to drive home the point. 'Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you Understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?'

The man was awestruck; quite like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination. 'You design and code such things.'

'I used to,' Vivek paused for effect, 'but now I am the Project Manager.'

'Oh!' sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, 'so your life is easy now.'

This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, 'Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality'.

He continued, 'To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements, the user at the other wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.'

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with Self-realization. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.

My friend,' he concluded triumphantly, 'you don't know what it is to be in the Line of Fire'.
The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.

When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.
'I know sir,..... I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire......'
He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.
'There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tri-colour at the top only 4 of us were alive.'

'You are a...?'

'I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment. But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier.On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.
He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded... ....his own personal safety came last, always and every time.'

'He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker. Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir....I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.'

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epic heroes.

The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight. 'It was nice meeting you sir.'

Vivek fumbled with the handshake.

This hand... had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tri-colour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute....
It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS : The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awardeld the Param Vir Chakra, the nation's highest military award.

Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!

EVERYONE U MEET IS FIGHTING A HARD BATTLE

__._,_.___

Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
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