*-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Kal aapne apne bache ko bahut pita| Aakhir aisi kya baat ho gayi thi usse?" Banta- "Darhasal do din baad us badmaash ka result nikalne waala hai aur mai aaj hi ek mahine ke tour par jaa raha hu|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Meri patni mera itna khyaal rakhti hai ki kal mehmaano ke vidaa hone ke baad jab kare to usi wakt paani garam kar diya|" Banta- "Waah! Lekin us samay bechaari ko paani garam karne ka kasht kyu diya?" Santa- "Kyuki mai thande paani se bartan *-*-*-*-*-*- Hadbadi me kahi jaate dekhkar ek yuvti ne apne Doctor pita se poocha- "Kya baat hai papa? Aap itni jaldi me kaha jaa rahe hai?" Doctor- "Abhi-abhi ek vyakti ka phone aaya tha, keh raha tha ki haaye, mai mar jaaunga... turant aa jao|" Navyuvti ne sharmakar kaha- "Papa...vah. phone aapke liye nahi mere liye tha|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Putra- "Pitaji, mai nadi me aage jaaunga|" Putra- "Nahi dooboonga, mujhe tairna aata hai|" Pita- "Yadi doob *-*-*-*-*-*- Achaanak bijli chali gayi to mombattiya jala di gayi| garmi tej thi| isi beech ek mehmaan ne kaha- "Bhai, pankhe to chala do|" Mejbaan ne mudkar badi gambheerta se kaha- "Pankhe chalane se mombattiya bujh jayengi|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Ek lamba tagda bahut hi mota vyakti darji ki Darji ne badi kathinayi se naap lekar haafte hue kaha- "Janaab, is shervani ki silaai ke sau rupaye honge|" Mota vyakti- "Parantu tumne Telephone par pachas Darji ne pasine pochte hue kaha- "Ji haan bataye to the, parantu shervani ke bataye the, shaamiyaane ke nahi|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Shikshak- "Maan lo, tum jungle me khade ho, isi beech sher aa jaye to tum kya karoge?" Chaatra- "Sir, mai kya karunga? Jo kuch karega, *-*-*-*-*-*- Chaatra (ganit ke adhyaapak se)- "Sir, hindi waale Teacher hindi me bolte hai aur angreji waale angreji me, phir aap ganit me kyu nahi bolte?" Adhyaapak- "Chup baith jao, jyaada teen paanch karoge to claas se nau do gyaarah kar dunga|" *-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*- Putra se naaraaj hote hue pita ne kaha- "Nalaayak! prem-patra Pita- "Teri tarah galat vyaakaran nahi *-*-*-*-*-*- Putra- "Pitaji, mere liye dhol kharid dijiye|" Pita- "Kharid sakta hu, par waada karo ki tum mujhe pareshaan nahi karoge|" Putra- "nahi pitaji, mai aapko bilkul pareshaan nahi karunga| Aapke so jaane ke baad *-*-*-*-*-*- Ladka- "Mai jo kaam karta hu, apne aapko Ladki- "To aap baraya meharbaani *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Doctor saahab! Suna hai aajkal saap ke kaatne ka ilaaj ho jaata hai?" Doctor- "Sabka ilaaj ho jaata hai|" Santa- "Kuch to aisa jaroor hoga, Doctor- "Haan! Aurat ke kaatne ka *-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*- Geeta- "Seeta, meri ghadi kho gayi, Seeta- "Nahi, chalti thi ya band thi?" Seeta- "Tab jaroor kahi chalkar gayi hogi|" *-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*- Premi- "He priye, is baar mai pariksha Premi- "Yadi mai first aaya to pitaji ne mujhe science dilvaane ko kaha hai, second aaya to commerce dilvayenge, agar third aaya to arts dilvayenge aur agar fail ho *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Doctor saahab, mujhe barabar yahi sapna dikhta hai ki mere paas se hokar sundar-sundar ladkiya teji se bhaag rahi hai|" Doctor- "Usme mujhse kya chaahte ho?" Santa- "Aap aisi dava deejiye ki ya to un ladkiyo ki raftaar kuch kam ho jaye ya meri badh jaye|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Mahesh- "Mere bhai ka koi baal baanka Kamal- "Kya vah bahut bahaadur hai?" Mahesh- "Nahi, vah ganja hai|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Judge- "Tum sweekar karte ho ki tumne apni patni Abhiyukt- "Ji hujoor! Sweekar karta hu|" Judge- "Thik hai, tum par pachaas rupaye pachaas paise Abhiyukt- "Hujoor, pachaas rupaye to samajh me aaye, lekin pachaas paise kis baat ke?" Judge- " *-*-*-*-*-*- Pita- "Dekho beta, tum kabhi shaadi na karna, yah baad me bahut badi musibat paida kar deti hai|" Beta- "Haan pitaji, mai kabhi shaadi nahi karunga aur yahi shiksha apne bete ko bhi dunga|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Chaandni raat ke romantic palo me premika ne kaha- "Kaash! Agle janam me mai chaand banti!" Premi- "Aur mai chandrama par utarne waala *-*-*-*-*-*- Pita- "Bete, tumhaare dadaji ne shaadi ki aur pachtaye, Beta- "Ji, vansh parampara nibhaunga| Shaadi karunga *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Suna hai, tumhari patni ko naukri mil gayi?" Banta- "Logo ko chadati-utaarti hai|" Santa ne hairat se poocha- "Kya...?" Banta ne baat ki safai ki- "Bus conductor ho gayi hai|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Bhikhari (apne bete se)- "Bete, yadi hamari saat laakh ki lottery khul gayi to sabse pehle makaan kharidunga, phir apne aur tum sabke liye naye-naye kapde silvaunga| Iske alaava...|" Beta (pita ki baat beech me kaat ta hua)- "Iske alaava papa ek car kharid lena| Hum log usme baithkar bhikh maangne chala karenge, kyunki mai paidal chalte-chalte thak jaata hu|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Bar me ek aadmi ne ek kutte ke saath kadam rakha| Bartender- "Yah gadha yaha kyu laye ho?" Aadmi- "Andhe ho kya? Yah tumhe gadha dikhai de raha hai?" Bartender- "Mai tumse baat nahi kar raha hu, mai kutte se baat kar raha hu|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Chotu- "Tumhara kutta bahut sharaarti hai| kya tum ise thik nahi kar sakte?" Tinku- "Yaar! Dhairya rakho| Yaad nahi, tumhe thik karne me mujhe kitne din lage the|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Doctor- "Tum kya tankhwa chaahti ho?" Nurse- "Teen sau rupaye mahina|" Doctor- "Teen sau rupaye mai anand ke saath de Nurse- "Anand ke saath to mai chaar sau rupaye lungi|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Tumhare dil ki taklif ka kya Banta- "Aji, aajkal vah maayke me hai|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Achaa hua, mai Santa- "Kyuki mujhe to Marathi ka ek akshar *-*-*-*-*-*- Workshop me Deviji dheele-dhaale kapde pehankar aayi to operator ne kaha- "Deviji, ye dheele-dhaale kapde pehankar na aaya kijiye, machine me fas jaane ka dar hai|" Deviji- "Janaab, agar mai tight kapde pehankar aaungi to doosre logo ka machine me fasne ka dar hai|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Ek Fauji officer ko kisi lambi duty par desh se baahar bheja gaya| Jab pardesh me rehte huye bahut din ho gaye to ek din use ek patra mila jisme likha tha- "Chalte samay vah vaapas kar dijiye, mai bank manager se shaadi *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa seedi par chade hue ghar ki chat pot rahe Banta- "Santa, tumne brush majbooti se Banta- "Mai thodi der ke liye seedi le jaa raha hu|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Putra- "Pitaji, kal thi, jinme do maada thi aur ek nar|" Pita- "Lekin beta, tumhe ye kaise pata chala ki unme do maada thi aur ek nar?" Putra- "Badi seedhi-si baat hai, ek makhi aapki whisky ki botal par baithi thi, baaki do aaine ke saamne mandra rahi thi|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Seeta- "Behan, aajkal to mujhe saari raat jaagna padta hai, kyuki mere pati beemaar hai|" Geeta- "To koi nurse kyu nahi rakh leti?" Seeta- "Nurse rakhi hai isliye to jaagti hu|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Yuvak- "Kya aap mere saath dance karengi?" Yuvti- "Mujhe khed hai, mai bache ke saath dance Yuvak- "Oh! maaf kare, mujhe aapki haalat ka *-*-*-*-*-*- Pappu- "Papa, raat ko aapne mujhe das rupaye diye hai|" Papa- "Chal aath aana jebkharch kaatkar saadhe *-*-*-*-*-*- Patni ka honth upar se thoda kat gaya| Doctor ne dawai lagaakar taanke laga diye| Pati chupchap dekhta raha| Phir usne Doctor ke kaan me kaha- "Doctor saahab, dono hontho ko taanke lagaakar seene ki aap kitni fees lenge?" *-*-*-*-*-*- Shyaam- "Pitaji, swatantrata divas kab aata hai?" Pita- "Jab tumhari mummy ghar me nahi hoti|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Raat ke baarah baj chuke the| Bacha abhi tak Bacha- "Mummy, mujhe kahani sunao|" Mummy- "Thodi der aur thehar beta| Abhi tere papa aayenge aur hum dono ko ek kahani sunayenge|" *-*-*-*-*-*- Santa- "Papa! Shaadi me kul milakar kitna Pita- "Pata nahi beta, mai abhi tak chuka *-*-*-*-*-*- Mehmaan- "Tum to kehte the ki tumhare yaha machar pareshaan nahi karte| Lekin tumhara ghar to macharo se bhara pada hai|" Mejbaan- "Haan! Lekin ve hame pareshaan nahi karte| Hum unke aadi ho chuke hai|"
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