Friday, April 30, 2010

[Hindi_Jokes] SUHANI KE SUHANE JOKES-61-62-63-64-65-66-67-68-69-70

 

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Santa- "Yaar, tune us daulatmand vidhva ko mohabbat ke jaal me kaise fasa liya?"

Banta- "Badi aasani se| Maine uske janamdin par

keval bees mombattiya jala di thi|"

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Eh haathi ne jindagi me pehli baar chooha dekha|

Haathi- "Tum kaun ho?"

Chooha- "Mai chooha hoon|"

Haathi- "Tumhari kya umra hai?"

Chooha- "Ek saal|"

Haathi- "Umra to meri bhi ek saal hai, lekin tum to bahut chote ho, yaar|"

Chooha- "Darahsal mai teen-chaar din se beemaar chal raha hoon|"

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Sadak ke beechobeech khadi ek mahila ne Traffic ke

sipahi se poocha- "Havaldaar saahab| Mai yaha

se aspataal kaise pahuch sakti hoon?"

Sipahi- "Jaha aap khadi hai| Thodi der aur khadi rahiye|"

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Ek yuvti ne apni saheli ko bataya- "Mahino tak mujhe pata hi na chala ki mere pati apni shaam kaha bitaate hai? Kal shaam jab mai ghar pahunchi to bhed khula, ve ghar me hi the|"

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SUHANI KE SUHANE HINDI JOKES-062

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Pati- "Mujhe door ki cheej saaf dikhai nahi deti|

Sochta hoon, chashma banva lu|"

Patni- "Bekaar paise nasht mat karo|"

Pati- "Kyo?"

Patni- "Isliye ki muhalle me mujhse sunder doosri

koi stree nahi hai|"

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Pati- "Darling, jara haluye ki ek plate aur dena|"

Patni- "To aapko mere haath ka haluaa bahut pasand aaya?"

Pati- "Nahi, yah baat nahi, darahsal mai usse apna

ek parcel chipkana chahta hoon|"

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Ek stree ne marte samay apne pati se kaha- "Pyaare, mai tumhe chodkar ja rahi hoon| Meri tumse bas ek hi praarthna hai|"

Pati pyaar se- "Bolo|"

Patni- "Meri bas ek hi praarthna hai ki yadi tum

doosri shaadi karo to us nayi dulhan ko mere kapde

aur joote pehanne ke liye mat dena|"

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Patni- "Are! Tum to bahut thake najar aa rahe ho| badhiya parathe, roshan josh aur upar se malai, kulphi khaaoge to tumhari thakaan choo-mantar ho jaayegi|"

Pati- "Lekin mujhme tumhe hotel le jaane jitni taakat

nehi hai| Aaj mai bahut thak gaya hoon|"

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Santa- "Meri patni ne motapa kam karne ke liye

kasrat shuru kar di hai|"

Banta- "Kya kuch faayda hua?"

Santa- "Haan, pharsh par gaddhe pad gaye hai|

Ek katta cement ka kharch badh gaya hai|"

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Seeta- "Mrs. Verma ko kaddu bahut priy hai|

Jab dekho unka naukar kaddu kharid kar le jaata hai|"

Geeta- "Magar ve kaddu khati nahi hai| Phir|"

Seeta- "Use ve baalo me rakhkar jooda banati hai|"

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Seeta- "Mujhe aisa pati chahiye, jo meri har baat maane| Matlab koi kaagaj mai uske saamne rakhu,

vo aankh moondkar us par dastakhat kar de|"

Geeta- "Phir to behna, tujhe pati nahi, raashtrapati chahiye|"

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Santa- "Mujhe afsos hai ki tum itne hate-kate

hone ke baad bhi langde ho|"

Banta- "Meri patni to chahti hai ki mai

andha bhi ho jau|"

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Yuvti- "Tum itne mote-taaje hokar bheekh kyo maang rahe ho?"

Yuvak- "Aap jaisi haseenao se baat karne ka yahi badhiya upaay hai, varna chedkhaani samajhkar pitai bhi to ho sakti hai|"

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Seeta- "Ms Sarla ke hontho par baar-baar makkhi

baith rahi thi| Vah badi pareshaan ho uthi|

Geeta- "Bekaar tang ho rahi ho| Makkhi apni aadat

se baaj nahi aane ki|"

Seeta- "Kyo?"

Geeta- "Iski harkat se pata chalta hai ki yah nar makkhi hai|"

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Santa- "Kal meri patni ki aankh me tinka pad gaya,

mai doctor ke paas le gaya, to usne tees rupaye kharch kar diye|"

Banta- "Chalo acha hua| Parso meri patni ki aankh me saadi pad gayi thi to mere paanch sau rupaye kharch ho gaye|"

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Doctor- "Tumhare dil ki dhadkan ki gati dhimi

pad chuki hai|"

Mareej- "Haan doctor saahab! Meri shaadi huye ek saal jo ho chuka hai|"

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Nurse prasannata se- "Badhai ho| Aapko judwa

ladke huye hai|"

Stree ghabra gayi- "Haay! Mai pati ko doosre

bache ke baare me kya jawaab doongi?"

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Bacha- "Pitaji swarg me shaadiya kyo nahi hoti?"

Pita- "Beta, shaadiya ho to phir vah swarg hi na rahega|"

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Ek paagalkhaane me ek darshak ko guide ne bataya-

"Yah jo aapko saamne paagal dikh raha hai na, uski

yah dasha isliye hui ki ise us ladki ne thukra

diya tha, jisse yah pyaar karta tha|"

Ek dusre paagal ke saamne jaakar vah bola- "Aur iski

yah dasha isliye hui ki isne us ladki se shaadi

kar li thi|"

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Premi- "Mere pitaji ne to tairne ka record tod

diya hai| Poore tees varsh baad laute hai|"

Premika- "Par darling! Tumhare pita mere pita ka

mukaabla nahi kar sakte|"

Premi- "Kyo?"

Premika- "Ve paitees saal pehle tairne gaye the aur

aaj tak vaapas nahi laute|"

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Pati daftar jaane ki taiyari me hai| Patni bhojan

banaane me lagi hai|

Pati- "Aji, mai kehta hoon ki khaana kab taiyaar hoga?"

Patni- "Do ghante se kah rahi hoon ki das minute me

taiyaar ho jaayega|"

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Graahak- "Tum to kah rahe the ki yah kameej bilkul uuni hai, par iske andar label par to 'Sooti maal' chapa hua hai?"

Dukandaar- "Yah label to keedo ko dhokha dene ke

liye lagaya gaya hai|"

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Doctor- "Ab mai tumhe kal dekhoonga|"

Mareej- "Aap to mujhe kal dekhenge, par mai bhi aapko kal dekh sakoonga ya nahi?"

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Maa- "Tum to bahut achi ladki ho| Jab bhi mai tumhare kamre me aati hoon to hamesha padhti hui milti ho|"

Beti- "Yah kamaal mera nahi|"

Maa- "To phir...|"

Beti- "Yah to aapki heel waale sandilo ka kamaal hai|"

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Santa ne dukandaar ke paas apne naukar ko bhejte huye likha- "Do kilo ghee de dena, yadi theek hua to cheque bhej doonga|"

Dukandaar ne uttar likha- "Pehle cheque bhej de,

theek hua to ghee bhej doonga|"

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Patni- "Suno ji, akhbaar me khabar hai ki ek vyakti

ne cycle ke badle me apni patni ko bech diya|"

Pati- "Mai us jaisa moorkh nahi hoon, car se kam

par baat nahi karoonga|"

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Ek bahut moti mahila ke saath-saath chala aa raha bacha pul dekhkar achanak ruk gaya|

Mahila ne pyaar se poocha- "Beta tum ruk kyo gaye?"

Bache ne ek najar mahila ke bhaari bharkam shareer par daali, phir sakuchakar board ki or sanket kiya| Mahila ne board ko dekha, jis par likha tha- "Bhaari vaahano ko pehle jaane de|"

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Putra- "Pitaji, mai aapko apni baaraat me nahi le jaaunga|"

Pita- "Kyo?"

Putra- "Kyoki aap bhi mujhe apni baaraat me nahi le gae the|"

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Santa- "Agar aap mera karja chuka de to aapka

bada ahsaan hoga|"

Banta- "Lekin aaj aap galat waqt par aaye hai|"

Santa- "To kab aau?"

Banta- "Jab mai ghar par na hou tab|"

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Doordarshan ke ek interview me ek ummeedvar se poocha gaya- "Aapko rukavat ke liye khed hai ke alaava aur kya pasand hai?"

Ummeedvar- "Samachar samaapt huye|"

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Patni- "Ae ji, tumne kuch suna| Kal raat hamari padosan Reena ne apne gale me phaasi ka phanda daal liya tha|"

Pati dukh se- "Bechari Reena|"

Patni- "Magar end waqt par uske pati ne aakar use bacha liya|"

Pati- "Bechara pati|"

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Ek mahaashay- "Are! Yah kya? Is tasveer me to mai apni umra se das saal bada dikh raha hoon|"

Photographer- "Saahab, isme to aapka faayda hai| Das varsh baad aapko photo khinchvaane ki aavashyakta nahi hogi|"

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Premi- "Darling, jab mai tumhe dekhta hoon to

mera dil dhadakne lagta hai, mai apne hoshohavas

kho baithta hoon, gala sookh jaata hai|"

Premika- "Tum pyaar ka ijhaar kar rahe ho ya apni

beemaariya gina rahe ho?"

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Do naali ke keede khaate samay aapas me baate kar rahe the|

Ek keeda- "Tumne suna hai, vah saamne vaala hotel

kitna saaf hai| Har vastu sheeshe ki tarah chamakti hai|"

Doosra keeda- "Bas karo yaar, kam-se-kam khaana khaate samay to aisi ghinauni baate mat kiya karo|"

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Santa apne padosi ke ghar pahunche, bole- "Dekhiye, aapke ladke ne mere kamre ka sheesha patthar maarkar tod diya|"

Banta- "Aap uski harkato par dhyaan mat deejiye| Vo pagal hai|"

Santa- "To phir apne ghar ke sheeshe kyo nahi todta?"

Banta- "Lekin itna pagal bhi nahi hai|"

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Adhyapak- "Nadi me nahaate samay muh kis disha

me karna chahiye?"

Shyaam- "Sir, kinaare par rakhe kapdo ki disha me|"

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Ghode se girte hi uske savaar ke muh se aawaaj

nikli- "He bhagwaan! Ye toone kya kiya?"

Raahgeer- "Kitna bhola hai bechara| Chot ke liye

bhagwaan se shikaayat kar raha hai, ghode se nahi|"

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Santa- "Yaar, mai America jaane ki soch raha hoon|"

Banta- "Achi soch hai|"

Santa- "Bhala kitna kharch ho jaayega?"

Banta- "Ek paisa bhi nahi, bhala sochne me

paisa kaha kharch hota hai?"

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Raamu- "Mai school nahi jaaunga|"

Maa- "Kyo beta? Kya padhai me mann nahi lagta?"

Raamu- "Nahi maa, yah baat nahi| Master saahab ko

khud to kuch aata-jaata nahi, har sawaal ka uttar

mujhse hi poochte hai|"

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Ek mareej kaafi der tak dawakhaane me doctor ki

prateeksha karta raha| aant me usne ek chitthi likh

di- "Mai apni swaabhaavik maut marne ke liye wapas

lautkar jaa raha hoon|"

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Hindi_Jokes

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[Hindi_Jokes] BE SUCCESSFUL! SUCCESS SECRETS AND SUCCESS MANTRA FROM SUCCESS GURU

 

21 Suggestions for Success

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BE SUCCESSFUL! SUCCESS SECRETS AND SUCCESS MANTRA FROM SUCCESS GURU


1.Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2.Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3.Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4.Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5.Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6.Be generous.
7.Have a grateful heart.
8.Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9.Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10.Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11.Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12.Commit yourself to quality.
13.Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
14.Be loyal.
15.Be honest.
16.Be a self-starter.
17.Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18.Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19.Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20.Take good care of those you love.
21.Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.
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